[Warning: This app contains many fun and colorful profanities. Because it’s Red vs Blue.]

OOC Information
NAME; Noah
AGE; 22
OTHER CHARACTERS PLAYED; Aqua | watchesoverthem

IC Information
CHARACTER NAME; Dexter Grif
CANON; Red vs Blue
AGE; Late 20’s-early 30’s
TIMELINE; End of Season 8; stealing the Pelican and returning to Red base.
FAMILY TYPES;
Nightmare Soldiers
Unknown
Metal Empire

APPEARANCE;
Pretty much the sorriest excuse for a fake soldier you’ve ever seen. According to character art, as well as the numerous “fatass” lines in the series and his old Oreo diet, Grif is an overweight slacker who is known to smoke in his helmet. About average in height, Grif has unkept brown hair, a stubble on his chin.

Grif wears the standard issue Red/Blue armies armor in orange. Or, as Church described it, like somebody threw up and decided to call it a color. It gets mistaken for yellow a lot.

PERSONALITY;
Pretty much the sorriest excuse for a fake soldier you’ve ever seen- wait.



On the surface, Grif is a loud-mouth and wisecracking slacker. He’s self-centered, the deadpan snarker, and incredibly lazy. More on that later, it’s going to need its own paragraph. Designated as Sarge’s personal butt monkey, just about no one in the canyon respects Grif. Hell, most of Red Team’s emergency protocols' step one is shooting Grif. But here’s the thing about Grif: he does not give a shit. Really. He does not care what anyone else thinks of him because, well, he doesn’t respect them. Not a one, Sarge, Simmons, Donut, or Lopez. He's always the first to snap back at Sarge, or most times the only one to snap back at Sarge, which leads him to getting assigned the demeaning tasks. About the only one he can consider his friend is Simmons, and that's when he's not kissing Sarge's ass. Donut's annoying as shit, and Lopez is a robot. Blue Team is just kindof...there. He'll mock and ridicule them all day long, but he doesn't really have a grudge with their sworn enemy. And fuck Freelancers, they ruin everything. He is shown to be fairly intelligent logically, finding numerous ways to poke holes in Sarge’s plans, but is really fucking stupid when it comes to common knowledge or learning something that takes actual effort. Naming the Pacific Ocean as a state anyone? But he has stated that he went to Harvard, so he has some extent of higher learning. Of course, that might just speak of Harvard’s quality in the future.



What you see is pretty much what you get here: Grif’s actually very proud on where he stands in this army. Grif is a slacker through and through, and he will be the first to let you know. In fact, Grif takes the occupation of slacker and makes a higher calling out of it. He is the master of doing the absolute minimum of work, so much so that he has formulated several strategies just to get out of doing most work. He admits to sleeping during staff meetings, forgets to do his only assigned duty (carry the extra ammo), takes frequent breaks, and does whatever he can to try and leave the army. And does whatever he can, I mean he insults Sarge and immediately assumes he's fired.

Also, another thing with Grif, he’s pretty much a coward. Though he can try to put up a brave face, the instant the scary person even moves toward him, he flees in terror. He is especially terrified of bats, and caves, because they have bats in them. If anyone even mentions bats, he gets incredibly paranoid and jumpy, even if bats have absolutely nothing to do with the situation. He has a flair for melodrama, considering his many long winded and silly theories.

But much like everyone else, Grif does have his hidden depths. It’s just really, really deep in there. Despite the fact that he openly disrespects his team, when push comes to shove, Grif does care somewhat for them. It's a very weird sense of loyalty towards friends and family. He’s given several opportunities to leave the army or abandon the mission, and for all his threats and joking around, he still always comes back to help his friends. He has put himself in direct danger many times when it was for a fact that his side did not stand a chance. Like with the Meta, he Big Damn Heroed the shit out of that one. This could possibly just his big brother instinct, as shown with his relationship with his younger sister. Sure the two bicker all the time, most of the time out of slutshaming because it's Sister, but Grif does genuinely care for Sister when she is in genuine danger. Of course, the second she’s out of danger, it's right back to yelling at her for dishonoring the family. But, y'know, he cares.

HISTORY; Wiki here but since I wrote this up before might as well use it.

Tales as old as time, songs as old as rhyme-

Okay, no, Grif does not get an epic intro. That’ll take actual effort. Let’s just move on because this is going to take awhile.

Dexter Grif grew up with his younger sister in Hawaii, apparently went to Harvard, and after the war started he signed up to fight aliens. (Said in S1 so they didn’t have everyone’s personality set in stone.) Because of some discrepancies in the number of recruits and Grif’s own low test scores, he was drafted into the “Red vs Blue” War, which was in reality a front for a Freelancer training program. Not that anyone in the canyon was smart enough to catch on until years later. Stationed at Blood Gulch Outpost 1-B, Grif was placed under the orders of Staff Sergeant Sarge along with Private Dick Simmons.

And things just kindof went on like that for awhile. Sarge would spend his time giving orders, threaten Grif, or building his robot Lopez, Simmons was Sarge’s personal kissass, and Grif stood around bitching about his job. Sometimes the Reds and Blues would try and attack eachother, but most of their time was spent pretty much pissing around doing nothing.

Start of the series they’re still pretty much doing nothing, only then they got a new recruit, Franklin Donut. Grif and Simmons were left to acclimate the rookie, which neither really wanted to be bothered with it, so the two sent Donut off to the “store” to get some “headlight fluid” and “elbow grease” for the Warthog. Pretty much bullshitting to get him off their backs. What they weren’t expecting was Donut to capture the Blue Flag (by accident) and get chased down by the Blues. The two climbed into the Warthog and went in for the rescue, actually managing to pin the Blues down until one of them brought in a tank. They retreated back to their own base with the tank still on their asses and got pinned down themselves until Sarge managed to bring in an airstrike. The Blues retreated, their flag still in Donut’s possession, and Grif got the blame for wrecking the Warthog, Lopez shooting him out of annoyance.

The Blues then brought in a Freelancer, Tex, when they were expecting a medic for their dead and now a “ghost” CO, Church. Tex easily got into their base and beat the crap out of Grif, Simmons, and Donut. Sarge managed to capture Tex, but then Blues managed to get her back after sniping Sarge in the head. Grif managed to save Sarge with CPR, who knows how the hell that worked. Tex tried to assault their base again, but was taken out by Donut and his magnificent grenade throw. The Blues retreated along with Lopez, who was being possessed by Church, and things in the canyon returned to normal.

The Reds stage another attack on Blue base, but since Grif forgot to bring the extra ammunition, they instead tried to have the Blues surrender. They were able to get the medic, Doc, that had been sent to Blue base in exchange for Grif’s humiliation, which was a win-win in Sarge’s book. After some time with Doc, the Reds were sick of the guy too and Grif and Simmons were sent to take him back to Blue base. What they found was…yeah neither of them like to talk about it and so they just left Doc in the middle of the canyon to do whatever.

With the Blues having an advantage of their robot, Sarge decided to turn Simmons into a cyborg. Not long after, the Blues came after the Reds with their tank again and Grif got run over by a several thousand pound piece of machinery. Luckily Simmons was a cyborg now, so Sage just used Simmon’s old organs to fix up Grif, who proceeded to ruin said organs with alcohol, snack cakes, and smoking. Word came from Command that Lopez’s head held military secrets for the Reds, so the team had to figure out a way to get Lopez back from the Blues. Grif and Donut were sent in to spy on the Blues, but Grif got annoyed fast and sent him to spy on shit in the caves. Donut managed to overhear Doc and O’Malley’s plans, but was soon captured by the Blues. In exchange for the prisoner, Sarge was commissioned to build two new robots for the Blues, which Sarge rigged with an explosive. Right when the exchange was being made, a Mexican standoff ensued between the Reds, Blues, the Robots (Lopez and the tank), and O’Malley. The Reds and Blues called for a truce to take care of O’Malley and chased him through Red base’s teleported which O’Malley had rigged and sent the teams off in different directions.

Grif and Church ended up on Sidewinder, where they were promptly imprisoned by Sidewinder’s Reds. While stuck in prison, Caboose, who was with Sarge at the time, activated the bomb inside Church, starting a countdown timer. The two came into contact with the Freelancer Wyoming, who had just killed all the Reds but left Grif and Church behind still in their cell. It later opened for unknown reasons, and the two were able to join up with their teams as they fought O’Malley. The bomb in Church finally detonates, blowing everyone to “the future.”

In actuality they were just thrown somewhere else entirely, but it was Sarge and Grif that reasoned it was the future, throwing out a number of movie clichés to explain what happened. The Reds and Blues managed to find a Warthog, one that Grif managed to wreck almost immediately trying to pull off a Dukes of Hazard stunt. The Teams received a distress message from Tex, and after meeting up were pulled into Tex’s attack plan on O’Malley’s fortress. Grif and Simmons tried to locate O’Malley after the attack began, but instead found a recording from Church on the base’s computer. O’Malley escaped, leaving the rest trapped inside the base as a bomb Tex made was on countdown. Luckily Church was able to get in and stop the bomb, giving both teams a moment of reprieve. The Reds received a distress signal over the Jeep’s radio. The Reds worked on trying to locate the signal when O’Malley made an attack with a robot army. They were able to escape on a Warthog and followed the signal-

Right back to Blood Gulch. And Grif was in despair.

And the rest of the Reds started shooting at Grif to get him to stop screaming. Sarge tried to retain order of his Reds, while the team is distracted by the Blue’s tank roaming around the canyon. Instead of agreeing with Simmons on seeing the tank, Grif instead chose to fuck with his teammate and started claiming that Simmons was seeing things, prompting him to get banished from the Reds. While Simmons was gone, Sarge moved to have a competition to see who would replace Simmons as his number two, a competition that Grif was disqualified from winning but was forced to participate. Simmons and the tank started to attack Red base, and Grif was able to get him to stop but Sarge refused to let Simmons come back as long as he wore the Blue armor. So as a surrender, Simmons took Grif prisoner and held him at Blue base. Simmons, being a pretty shit hostage taker, has trouble actually being mean to Grif and Grif just ends up fucking around Blue base. Sarge came in to rescue Grif, but got knocked out by Simmons right when Church arrived. Sarge and Grif were taken back to Red base, and after some dickery, they let Simmons come back as he had information on the Blues.

Finally acclimated in their new base, the Reds went back to their original mission of getting Lopez back, as the robot still had vital information from Command. As it turned out, it was just the same generic order that they always got, but no one could understand Lopez’s Spanish. So then they needed to kidnap the Blue’s bomb, Andy, and use him as translator, only to be disappointed in how their efforts had just been completely wasted. They are then attacked by Church and Sheila, and in the confusion call Command for reinforcements, which promptly arrived in a ship that landed right on Donut.

In the ship was Grif’s younger sister Kaikaina, who had joined the army not long after Grif left home. As it turned out, Sister was sent in to replace the Blue’s KIA leader, Captain Butch Flowers, but since she was colorblind she mistook the Reds for the Blues, prompting confusion and a funeral for Sarge’s “death.” Simmons and Grif were able to finally sort out the information, but that didn’t change the fact that they had just buried Sarge alive. Simmons went to digging Sarge out while Grif took Sister over to Blue base, reasoning that if she was on Blue team, she would be safe from the enemy.

As it turned out, there was a series of underground caves underneath the canyon, and Sarge and Donut had fallen through into these caves. Grif and Simmons staged a rescue, failing instantly as they were both drugged and Grif was kidnapped by “bat people.” After some exploring and finding Grif coming off the drugs, the Reds found Command’s control panel in the caves, where they found monitors covering every inch of the canyon, and that the Blues had captured their base. Finally reaching the surface, the Reds in turn took over an unoccupied Blue base. Wyoming had captured and was planning on killing the Blues, prompting the Reds to ride into battle with Wyoming if only to keep the kills for themselves. Afterwards, the Reds started each getting infected with O’Malley, until the AI went back into Tex. She tried to escape the planet on the ship Sister came in on, but the Reds had rigged it with Andy, who blew up the ship and everyone on it before it could leave. Calling the day a victory, the Reds returned to their base and let everything return to normal.

But only for a short while. Not long after the events at Blood Gulch, the teams received relocation orders. Sarge, Simmons, and Grif were all to relocate to Rat’s Nest, but since Sarge refused his orders, Grif was made the CO of the Reds. However he sucked at being the leader, and he and Simmons were sentenced to be executed for losing his team’s ammunition. Of course, Grif actually sold it to the Blues, but Simmons was able to stall the Reds long enough for Sarge to make an unexpected save. Sarge took the two for an important mission from Command, which was actually a setup by the Meta. The Reds made their way to Zanzibar, right when Church, Caboose, and Washington were moving in on the Meta, and laid siege on the Blues. Grif managed to piss off the Meta enough to distract him as the Blues and Reds formed another truce to take out the Meta. In the meantime, Sarge had Wash demote Grif down to Minor Junior Private Negative First class.

The teams made their way to Freelancer Command, where the Reds found the computer databanks with information on all the Reds and Blues. Sarge had Simmons “erase” the Blues before the Meta found them. Washington was able to take out the Meta and Project Freelancer altogether with an EMP while the Reds and Caboose escaped with Epsilon’s storage unit.

The teams were then relocated to Valhalla for their part in taking down the Freelancer Project. Since they were just fighting Caboose, the Red’s lives were pretty easy until Donut’s arrival. He was sent by Tucker from Sandtrap to get help, help that just so happened to be the Reds. Grif, Sarge, and Caboose left on the Warthog, Sarge wanting to get the Blues back into the Command databanks so he’d have someone to fight again.

After getting stuck in a minefield, they meet up with CT, who turned out to be an imposter and attempted to kill them after learning they had come to help Tucker. They fall back to a pyramid, where Caboose inserted Epsilon into a new body that happened to be an artifact the aliens stationed there worshiped. Together with the aliens, they were able to push back the mercenaries and kill CT. With the area cleared, Sarge and Grif radioed Simmons to let him know they were heading back soon, but Simmons had been captured by Wash and the Meta. They managed to save Simmons and get away, retreating back to Sandtrap.

With the teams mostly back together (Donut had been shot and “killed” by Wash), the Reds followed Caboose and Epsilon to a hidden facility owned by Project Freelancer. After “convincing” the computer to let them in, the Reds found Caboose guarding a door to a secret lab. A very loud door to a secret lab. Right when Caboose made an escape, the door was busted down by a newly revived Tex, who proceeded to beat the ever living shit out of the Reds and Tucker. The fight finally stopped after Epsilon arrived in a new body just like Church’s, who was then beaten up by Tex until Caboose activated the armor locks. Out of lockdown and Tex done beating their asses, the Reds investigated the ruins, finding several power units. Grif, wanting the power of invisibility, has Simmons install one of the units, but is actually installed with a speed unit. He promptly has it removed after that failed miserably. Tex and Epsilon-Church left for another Freelancer Base.

Back to their original intentions, the Reds were able to learn from the databanks that the “Red vs Blue” war was just a training program for the Freelancers, and that everything they went through in Blood Gulch was merely a simulation. Disillusioned by the revelation, Sarge agreed to help Caboose in rescuing Church. Of course Grif was skeptical of helping at first, since he really had no reason to stay, but a rousing speech from Sarge managed to get him on board and the Reds and Blues boarded a Pelican to meet up with Church. After a crash landing, the Reds were instructed by Wash to look for a power source for the rigged AI unit. However, they were soon forced to engage the Meta head on. After some failed attempts at putting up a fight, Grif managed to jump onto the Meta’s back and steal his Brute Shot before getting tossed aside. Sarge then had Grif run the Meta down over the cliff with a Warthog. The Meta tried to pull Grif down in order to escape, but Grif jabbed the Meta’s Brute Shot blade into the side of the cliff, saving himself. Though Sarge attempted to ignore Grif’s yells for help, the Reds, along with the Blues and Wash, departed for their bases in a stolen Pelican.


SAMPLES
FIRST PERSON;
1.) If you could make any reality at all, what would you make?
Think I'd make a reality where I would have to do absolutely nothing. And Sarge has to call me 'Sir.' And there's mountains made of snack cakes. But then again, actually making a new reality would take work....aww screw it. Next question.

2.) What would you say is your greatest strength?
My fine tuned ability to not give a shit. As you can clearly tell, I take a lot of pride it. I can also down a box of Oreos in record time.

3.) If you were given the option to stay in the Digital World or return to your home, which would you choose? Why?
Hm, let me think. Go back to a shitastic canyon with people who want to kill me, or stay here and fight B-movie monsters that want to kill me. Jeeze, I just can’t decide.

4.) What ability would you most like to have?
How about the ability to make a burger appear out of thin air every time someone calls me a dirtbag? Man, I’ll be swimming in them in an hour.

5.) You have one choice. That choice will result in either the end of the world or it will save it. Which way would you go?
And what if I sit around and do nothing? Seriously. If the fate of the world somehow ends up in my hands, we’re pretty much all doomed anyway.

6.) What would make up your ideal friend?
Fuck I don’t know, everyone I talk to is an asshole. How about someone who isn’t an asshole, I’ll take that.

THIRD PERSON;
[Shamelessly recycled from another game.]

It was nighttime. Time of day clearly made for sleeping. Was Grif sleeping in a nice, warm, and, let’s not forget, completely safe bed in the hotel? Nope. Instead he got roped into Night Patrol. You would think he would learn not to turn off the audio to his helmet anymore. It’s really inconvenient on the ‘not it’ ruling. One which Grif was pretty positive that they were fucking around with him on but didn’t change the fact he was out in the streets in the middle of the night. The dark, cold, dark night.

You know what comes out in the dark, right?

Catching them on the scope, Grif’s heart skipped a beat once his eyes caught the flying terrors.

“Psst. Hey Kissass, get over here.” His free hand waved over the Hebby Repp that had been all but glued to his side since Grif figured out that whole synthesis thing. The snake still seemed annoyed at the nickname Grif decided to give him. Can’t think of a reason why that is, clearly he was named after Simmons.

“Yeah okay I’ll think of a new name later. Get off my back about that already. Listen, you’re a good Dream Eater-thingie, right?” Still pouty, Kissass nodded.

“And you’re supposed to help me out in a fight, right?” …Nod.

“So you see those bats over there?” Peeking his head over the ledge, Kissass got a good look at a small group of about three Komory Bats. “Yeah those fuckers. I’m just going to need you to go over there and take care of them for me.”

Pindrop.

Fuming, Grif could clearly see Kissass was not into that idea. “Hey listen, I’m not going anywhere near those things. I mean just look at those eyes. And those teeth. Clearly those flesh eating demons will tear me to shreds.” And what was so bad about that? “Sure you’d be left without my wonderful company, but you’d also be left alone to deal with the rest of them.”

Ah, there it was. Still grumbly, the Hebby Repp finally nodded in agreement.

“See I knew you’d understand Kissass.”